2010 In The Balls

Yes, it comes to the end of yet another year and I'll be honest when I'm glad to say, "Fuck you 2010 now get into the sun." The year was not one of the best ever for many reasons such as the movie "The Karate Kid" came out and so did "Twilight: Eclipse" (now these are just my views... so they're correct) and many more. In all fairness there was as also some good films this year but I think it's a 85% shit movies and 15% movies that I didn't mind watching.
Now I know what you're thinking, "Liam, you can't base a year on just the films." You are correct, I can't, but there has been a lot of personal issues that have gone very wrong like my BFF Miley C getting off her rocker and me having to stop her eating the floor, my uncles, sisters brother in-law turned out to have never existed and a shortage of bannanas at my local shop caused a serious stir for about 0.5 people, you see? So I have drawn a little cartoon of myself kicking the year 2010 in the balls directly into the sun. Come on 2011 don't be a bitch or you'll be getting the, what I like to call, "The pounding in the ass till death" move.

Miley Cyrus And Me Go Tripping!

Yes, you may not believe it but me and Miley C (she lets me call her that when the cameras aren't looking) are like party buddies! Seriously, I'm like her dealers uncles cousin. I joke... kind of.
If you're like me and don't really follow shit that goes on anywhere in the world ever then you may have realised that you could not avoid the story of Miss. Cyrus and her "Big Bong Adventure" which didn't interest me until she had this to say: "Oh my God! He looks so much like him! He looks so much like Liam," Cyrus giggles. Unable to convince her pal, she asks, "Is that me tripping? He doesn't look like Liam at all? Dude, that looks just like Liam!"
That's right, I'm even turning up in Mileys trips and as much as me and Miley C are BFF's and everything I can safely say I wasn't there but DAMN I'm like a human-mind-rash to that girl! No, seriously she was talking about her much richer boyfriend Liam Hemsworth whom is like my stunt double in my movies when they need a close up on my chin or something. The lesson to be taken here is that no matter how "off your tits" you are Miley, I will still be somewhere in the world writting random bollocks on my blog and then turning up in your trips like a pink elephant made of marshmellow and curry.
Here's a link to the story if you actually give a shit: Miley's Big Bong Adventure

Here's a photo of me and Miley on holiday to Bakewell. She just can't put that fuckin' bong down for 2 seconds, not even when Samual Jenkins the third was taking our picture... that's Miley!

Ducks and an exploding egg.

I've always wanted a pet duck. There's 2 main reasons why this is not possible though, firstly I don't have a pond, this is possibly the biggest problem when wanting to own a duck due to the fact I've heard that ducks tend to like water and I can't just hope we have floods every other day to help my little duck (which I would proberbly call Harold) get all the watery needs he may have and I would feel very sad looking at Harolds face when he is water-deprived.
The second big issue is that I'm rather fond of duck pancake rolls from pretty much any chinese takeaway and I don't think I could resist the urge, when very hungry, to attack Harold and cut him up to go with some lovely hoisin sauce and pancakes, this would be even more likely to happen if I thought he was water-deprived because I would then go for the "might as well put him out of his misery" excuse.
So that's the 2 main reasons I'm banned from the park. On a related subject, here's 2 brothers blowing an egg up in a microwave.

JellyMilk t-shirts are now avalible to buy, GO GO GO!
Jellymilk.spreadshirt.co.uk


(Don't worry, I would never hurt a duck unless he started it)

Fast food money?

Whilst browsing on the net today in my "I have nothing better to do at this point" time I came across a picture of Canadian Tire, now my first thought was "that's a funny looking note", but after staring at the picture for a few more seconds I was impressed with what I saw. Yes, I'm pretty sure the man on this note is none other than Burger Kings Scottish uncle MacBurgerKing. So after this I wondered if this happened with any other notes and to my supprise if you stare at a £10 note long enough you can make out Ronald McDonald, can you see him? It's like one of those magic eye pictures, you never notice untill you look really hard I suppose. Oh yeah, if you are on Facebook I have a new "like" page thingy if you wanna check it out just click here if you want.

Mario gets used

Ok, so I haven't posted anything for a while but today I thought I'd bring up the old story of Mario (from the nintendo games) and how I think he kinda gets used by Princess Peach.
Now I want to say firstly that I love Mario games a lot but seriously, Princess Peach just pretty much lets herself get kidnapped by Bowser, I never see her even attempt to not get taken away and I'm sure that she could protect herself and one of my main points is because she's a fuckin' Princess so she has the money to build better security in Mushroom Kingdom especially in her own castle. I think she does it for the attention, maybe Princess Peach just craves attention from a stubby fat plumber which brings me to my next point, Mario is a fuckin' plumber NOT a macho hero-of-the-day kind of guy, don't get me wrong here, I think Mario kicks ass but the guy has to eat magic mushrooms to get a buzz to kill walking brown mushrooms and turtles. When was the last time you had a problem with your shower head and a short, druggy, tubby, italian came to your house then left halfway through to rescue a Princess, proberbly never so he's gotta be getting something off her for all the times he's saved her ass from danger... and I bet she loves it. So, in the end I do think that Mario is a bit like Princess Peach's hero bitch and I've done a quick drawing of what things might be like behind closed doors (below) but I will say this, as long as the games keep coming, I'll keep playin'..

Extreme Football

Ok, anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a huge football fan, I do like football and follow the world cup... kind of but I think I should consider starting my own sport called Extreme Football where the rules are simple and a little different. What are the rules you may be thinking, well for starters there's no offside rule which means there would proberbly be more goals without some dumbass holding up a flag every 5 minutes, the goal keeper is allowed to headbutt players in the face if he thinks they're causing a threat to him as the players have slingshots that can only be shot in the opposite direction they're running in and finally and most importantly there's the landmines, yes, 15 landmines which are on the pitch in random places making the players rather edgy as they could be catapulted into the air and their body parts scattered over 30 square feet of the pitch. That is my idea of extreme football. What sport would you like to see extremed up? Comment!

"Oh yeah I'm gonna sco..." *BOOM!*

Aliens

This is just I quick thought I was having about aliens - the extraterrestrial type. I personally do believe there is something else out there in space but if they ever did/have come to earth I bet they would be like, "The humans think we stick our probes fucking where!?" I mean obviously they wouldn't think it in that language... but they might... this is getting a little bit confusing, my point being is that if we kidknapped aliens I think one of the places we wouldn't check first is an alien asshole and if an alien did probe some of us then I think it would have be a request from a randy human with anal interests and large alien instruments and even then the alien might be offended... that might be where aliens keep there money.

Facebook just asked me to type two odd words to post this as a link... well, I thought they were odd anyway.

Noisy Donkeys?

Just a quick blog to say tomorrows comic will be up about 7pm GMT because I need to get it finished when I get in from work as spider solitaire took over my pc for tonight and yeah, nothing to do with you! On another note I'm working on my new proper website for my comics, blogs and videos and I'm very much looking forward to purchasing it and getting it up and running so I can feel more pro... but still with no viewers/readers and as a special treat here's some bizarre donkeys having a good time.

Place to live?

Just thought I would make a quick post as I had an idea of something in my head. I was thinking where I would love to live, this all came about as my friend Charlotte got married and moved to the Isle Of Man (she has started a blog since going there too so click here to check that out) and I wasn't just thinking real places, I thought about anywhere. So after much thought of about 30 seconds I knew it would have to be Tracy Island from Thunderbirds as it's fuckin' great there, massive house, they seem to never have to buy anything it's all just there, lovely view outside and we must not forget the machines and rockets that can go into space and under water and I personally think that is unbeatable apart from the fact this could mean me going back to 1969 to live there which would mean no internet... shit... I would just move there in this year then, that kinda makes more sense... if it fucking existed to start with. Anyway, so I thought I would try this to see what happens, I would like you to tell me where you would love to live, fictional or not and leave a comment telling me where and why (I'm going to get a page or whatever the hell it's called on facebook for JellyMilk at some point) so see ya until next time.

Me on the Disney channel?

I'm pretty sure you will have seen this. I have never met this kid in person so I would never go as far to say I hate him but the're two very good reasons for me not being his number anything fan. First because he's everywhere I go on the internet, I can't go on any website without seeing his face or some banner about him and now he's on my fucking blog because I put him here but at least it's a video that made me laugh slightly and secondly  he ain't nothing special is he? Seriously, he's not that different from any other kid other than now he's proberbly filthy rich and he's so full of himself I wanna vomit blood until I no longer can do anything but sleep which is why when I saw this I thought it was rather funny but he still gets the upper hand because he starts moaning to the camera about it and it makes me mad, loads of kids bang their heads on shit and they don't get 2 million views on youtube, if he had fallen through the glass door and cut all his face to shit then yes he could have had some extra views and a bit of sympathy plus he can't speak properly, listen to what he says to the camera near the end proberbly should stop looking in the mirror and get his ass back to school! I'm only jellous because I'm not famous and rich... Disney would never let me on their channel.

Scooby Doo

Ok, Scooby Doo makes no sense. They chase around freaky fake ghosts with a fuckin' talking dog with a speach impediment. Shaggy the vegi-hippy eats way too much food and still doesn't put on any weight so in reality he should be one obese bastard, unless it's because he's always crapping himself and running away all the time. Velma is either a lesbian or she can seriously hold back her urges for intercourse, I'm supprised she's not raped Shaggy or Fred. Speaking of Fred, what's his deal? The others are all trying to help out some old fuckers farm and he's in the stables banging the hell outta Daphne, I don't blame him I suppose, though she does seem a bit stuck up and proberbly just lays on her back and expects Fred to be the pumper. I was going to have a rant about Scrappy Doo but I think every single person in the world hated him as much as I do. On a serious note I loved Scooby Doo as a kid but it is still one hell of a screwed up cartoon, seriously... if I was them I would have just left the arcade to be haunted and fuck trying to save a random old mans business te crazy asshole shouldn't go upsettin' ghosts.

Porcupine

So on my browsing ways I came across this picture and instantly thought, "who the fuck does that remind me of!" So I pondered and pondered for at least 2 seconds before seeing it, Doctor Emmett Brown from the "Back to the future" movies! So I thought I would post it up here as I am rather bored and I have just re-installed some image editting software on my pc and wanted to write something... for fun.

SHIT is a WEAPON

Ok, I really have seen sweet f-all that I can make fun of or something funny out of recently BUT not to fear as I just happened to find this picture whilst browsing Google as usual. It's from a website you must have been on at some point in time called funnyandjokes.com. It's worth a peek but I'm immature as this picture just makes me laugh at a glance so some genius has made my night that little bit less pointless. Oh, yeah, whilst on Gooogle image I typed in "geni" to start typing in "genius" to see what images there was and upon entering "geni" the most typed is "genital warts" seriously... what the fuck, who thinks "geni... geni....tal warts!" as there conclusion to those four letters, Google is one sick mother-fudger.

Random me google

So, I thought it would be good to see what Google comes up with when I type in a start of a sentence, we've all done this I'm sure. Google shows you the most popular thing typed in based off how you start your sentence, so I tried "What's her". I can possibly understand the top one, people may very well want to know about a disease but the 2nd most searched is "What's her face", now I know some people say, "I know her from somewhere... it's erm... what's her face" but I doubt very much that Google has any idea who the fuck you're trying to think of, I mean Google is great 'n' all but it ain't no fuckin' mind reader. "What's heroes about" is the final one in the list, if you wanna know what it's about just watch the fucking programs first episode or just turn on your T.V as it's advertised every 2 seconds and could give you a slight clue what it's about... maybe it's about some heroes? Why don't you try at home? Just start a sentence in Google and see what crazy shit you get.

DCIGTH

I'm still offf work and don't really have a decent post to make myself today so I thought instead I would post a link to a great webcomic I read called Darwin Carmichael is Goig To Hell. It's one of those comics you start reading and get sucked in by, I enjoy it anyway so check it out and speaking of comics, I should proberbly get a couple of my own done with me being off ill and all and work on the new site which I am hoping will be up and ready in the next 2 months, I just need to get my lazy ass working on it instead of putting it off. Might post later if I make any progress... so I'll see you tomorrow, see what I did there? Yeah....

Zombie Kid Report

I know this video is really old but I still can't get over it. What the hell is this kid on? Seriously though, if I saw my kid talking to a reporter dressed as a zombie I'd be fine with that but if I heard what he said I would high five him then give him no food for weeks for thinking of it before I did. Clever little cat-toucher. (youtube is being a pain in the ass so you'll have to click the link instead of viewing it from here)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMNry4PE93Y

Bubble eyes

Since I really had nothing important or even slightly interesting today I thought it would be fun to post a picture of a bubble-eyed-goldfish. Imagin trying to have a staring contest with this sucker, it would be like trying to see where someones lazy eye is looking and thinking, "is she/he looking at the cobwebs on my phone book or the dead fly on the floor" (No offence to people with lazy eyes of course)

In all fairness the fish looks really cool in a weird way, I would seriously have one or two as a pet but I would hate to see one accidently pop it's own eye on a sharp rock, it would proberbly hang off it's face like an odd coloured empty ball-sack.

Baked Potato-man

Ok, so I was playing "Half-Life 2" the other day on my PC (yes I know it's old but I was bored and it's still an awesome game) and it came to my attention that after beating seven shades of shit outta this guys head with a crowbar how much he looked like a fucked baked potato with lasagne slapped on his forehead and teeth as a chin-side order. I mean it's one thing to die a painful exploding barrel-crowbar-face-battering death but to be left looking like a 6 o' clock meal is taking the michael a little bit I think... but it was fun. I'll post some more old game pics when I'm playing next and I spot any worth mentioning.

Dreams and Cryostasis

I wanted to make a quick post this afternoon about dreams.
Now in dreams pretty much anything can happen right? It's like the only place someone could butt-fuck a turtle whilst eating a block of stale cheese, so my point being is why doesn't everyone just stay asleep? A lot of people find their lives boring and mundane, like myself, so why don't they make a huge complex for people who can't be arsed with boring lives to have a cryostasis pod where they just sleep until they die because it's not really youthanasia if they still feed you through tubes, right? Now, this may seem like I'm saying, "Oh, someone kill me" but I'm not, I'm just stating that some people find life boring and even people with illnesses and such could go into one of these pods. I've said my piece about that... now I've read it through it looks fucked-up and that I wish everyone would just sleep and die of old age so let me make this quite clear, that is only 50% true!

So the other day...

... I did totally fuck all. Everything I did went tits up and it still went tits up today, what a load of shite!